The Wrestler

December 26, 2008

Thoughts while watching The Wrestler:

“This technique where the camera is behind Rourke reminds me of a video game. That probably wasn’t the intent, was it?”

“Yikes, Mickey Rourke’s hands are like Andre the Giant’s, they’re just mitts. Is that a result of his boxing days? I wonder how long it would take him to open a soda can…”

“Man, this film is kind of freaking me out about exercising too hard. Seriously, I’m kind of afraid to exercise now.”

“Within the span of half an hour I’ve gone from thinking Marisa Tomei looked pretty good for her age to now thinking her best days may be behind her. Has that ever happened before in the span of one film? I kind of want to watch Seinfeld right now…”

“Great, now I can never order something from the deli counter of the supermarket without thinking someones gonna lose a thumb. Exercising, strip clubs, and the deli counter, want to ruin anything else for me Aronofsky?”

“Huh, I would have thought ‘The Ayatollah’ was going to be a white guy, or at least a middle eastern looking white guy, but hey, I guess it works. In fact, I’m gonna go ahead and say that the movie just bumped up from a B to a B+ based on the inclusion of this character.”

“So, um, is it over? This is kind of a long black screen. I mean, it must be over, right, am I the only one who’s confused? I really liked that last song that was just playing, was it Explosions in the Sky? They should have done the whole soundtrack, I think that would have got me to an A- overall.”

Quantum of Solace

December 14, 2008


Thoughts while watching Quantum of Solace:

“Wow, we’re less than a half hour into the movie, and I feel like there’s been about two pages worth of dialog and a hundred million dollars worth of action sequences. So far my expectations are being exceeded.”

“This is probably intentional, but I don’t think a movie has ever made me want to buy sunglasses more than this has so far. I’m guessing the cheapest pair worn is around $200.”

“What’s the deal with this girl’s back scar? Is that going to be explained or is it like the scar on the arm of the Top Chef host’s arm, it’s just there. I kind of like the idea of it not being explained.”

“So James Bond is basically the Hulk in this movie, right? So far he’s ripped off a metal door handle without flinching and also flipped a motorcycle with one arm… I love it.”

“This CIA agent looks exactly like Phil Jackson, if PJ was about 20 years younger and 20 pounds heavier. Still…”

“Just ‘Fields’? I feel like we’re getting set up for some horribly cheesy innuendo of a name, but what could you add to ‘Fields’? I’m guessing ‘Strawberry,’ but that doesn’t really have a sexual connotation, does it? I’m googling that right now.”

“Why is this woman walking barefoot through the desert, she should just rip the heels off her shoes or something. That seems unnecessarily painful.”

“Does Canada really have a secret service, and if so, why is this lady in Russia, and what does that have to do with this guy? I’m totally confused by this scene…wait, is that the end? Seriously, what just happened? Hmm.. I still kind of like this better than the last one.”

Thoughts while watching Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist:

“I wonder what Michael Cera’s going to look like after he goes through puberty. How long can you play a high school/college kid?”

“This Norah girl seems stoned in every scene. Is that her acting style? She also kind of has a deep voice. She’s basically a Jewish Scarlett Johansson.”

“I can’t stand this drunk girl. Seriously, this is disgusting. I get that the gum is supposed to be a character too, but that was awful….”

“Wow, is that the guy from Knocked Up? He looks like his own older, taller brother. Jeez, what year did that movie come out?”

“Ok, I know that was supposed to be the ‘bait and switch’ bad band, but that was my favorite song in the movie so far. I wonder if I can find a clip on youtube.”

“Is that Devendra Banhart? I like that jacket he’s got on… is it a jacket? Looks kind of like a poncho. I like it.”

“Maybe it’s that clip I just saw the other day, but Andy Samberg is a dead ringer for Mark Wahlberg. I don’t know if I could stand him for the whole film, but he really should have been on screen longer than a minute.”

“New York looks like San Francisco. This movie kind of makes me feel young and old at the same time.”

“This is basically like 200 Cigarettes meets Juno. It’s not bad, just kind of, I don’t know…”

Into The Wild

April 16, 2008

Thoughts while watching Sean Penn’s Into The Wild:

“They should have had a voice-over read these lines, it’s a little disorienting, and just kind of looks cheap. Come on Sean Penn.”

“Is this girl his sister or his girlfriend? It’s totally not clear…”

“Ok, we’re like 20 minutes into this and we’ve gone back and forth in time like five times, not to mention that the movie’s present is set in the past anyways. I’m starting to feel like I’m watching an episode of Lost.”

“Was that an anachronism? I don’t think the term organic was used with food in 1990, it seems out of place… I like how he looked right into the camera there.”

“I didn’t know Vince Vaughn was in this movie, he’s kind of hard to believe as a South Dakotan, that Chicago accent is too strong… Whoa, is that Zach Galifianakis?!”

“This kid is kind of getting on my nerves, I mean, I get the idealism, but this is ridiculous. He’s essentially homeless. There’s better ways to rebel against your parents.”

“The family flashbacks look kind of made for TV, the movie would have been better without them. Same goes for the sister’s voice over, I don’t like it.”

“I find it a little hard to believe that everyone this kid meets would be so devastated when he leaves, they only know him for about a week, kind of melodramatic.”

“How long is this movie, we’re like 2 hours in and I still haven’t seen the guy who was nominated for an Oscar.”

“For all its faults, this is a pretty good looking movie, really nice nature shots.”

“Wow, was that the real guy? Poor bastard…”

Margot at the Wedding

March 4, 2008


Thoughts while watching Noah Baumbach’s Margot at the Wedding:

“If this film wasn’t made by the same guy who made The Squid and the Whale, I probably would never see it. I think I’m outside of every possible target audience this film could have.”

“Wow, I didn’t realize Jack Black’s character was supposed to be kind of a jerk. I like it… Maybe I should grow a mustache.”

“Naming a female character Pauline and then having everyone call her Paul is a little annoying, it’s like it’s too contrived. It doesn’t seem natural. Strike one.”

“There’s a lot of Blondie in the movie so far, I think it works. I wonder if I can download the soundtrack.”

“I really like this movie so far, but I don’t think I would recommend it to many people, it’s kind of depressing.”

“This is like The Squid and the Whale in the sense that they both feel like novels. Novels with ’80s soundtracks.”

“Hmm.. Nicole Kidman’s character is a little schizophrenic, is that on purpose? It’s disorienting. I wish she wasn’t the main character, she’s like the least interesting. I do really like Jack Black’s character though.”

“Scratch that, I love Jack Black’s character. This is the best movie he’s been in, Nacho Libre take a seat.”

“Ok, so this was a bit more depressing than I usually like, but overall it leaves a nice feeling. At times I thought this could be the best film of 2007, but now that it’s over I think it’ll only get as high as #5.”

I’m Not There

February 25, 2008


Thoughts while watching Todd Haynes’ I’m Not There:

“Ooh, good opening song choice. Blonde on Blonde is so good, I need to buy that record. I’m gonna get a receiver this summer too, I’m serious…”

“Wow, this movie really looks good. Like if you took a screenshot of any given scene it could be a postcard. Too bad this kid isn’t a better actor, they should have casted someone older.”

“Charlotte Gainsbourg kind of looks like Karen Carpenter. She could probably play her in a biopic. Well, she could play a French Karen Carpenter.”

“Hmm.. at first I thought they were playing too many songs, but now that they haven’t played one for like 10 minutes I’m getting bored.”

“The Cate Blanchett story reminds me of how I felt watching Man on the Moon. I bet I would like it a lot more if I hadn’t seen so many Dylan documentaries.”

“Ok, seeing David Cross with that crazy beard just got me back into the movie.”

“What the hell is going on right now? Is Richard Gere the wild west Dylan? I don’t get it. He looks homeless.”

“Does this movie have any kind of plot or story? I mean, it looks great and I love the songs, but this is getting really hard to sit through.”

“Tobias! We need more Tobias… this is boring…”

“Actually, this is kind of like a film that they would show in the MOCA or LACMA, where it just loops over and over and it doesn’t really matter what point you start watching or stop watching, cause it’s not a movie, it’s like an art piece. I want to stop watching.”

Jim James & Calexico, Goin’ To Acapulco

Be Kind Rewind

February 12, 2008


Thoughts while watching Michel Gondry’s new movie, Be Kind Rewind:

“I kind of feel like this movie will make up for that stink bomb of a last movie he made. Seriously, what was he thinking with that one. This better be good Gondry.”

“I don’t think Jack Black will ever be in a movie where he doesn’t play the air guitar/trumpet/something. We’re like 10 minutes into the movie and he just busted out the air bass.”

“Mos Def is kind of a good actor. What else has he been in? That British space movie from a few years ago, and… Hmm….”

“Are there people who still rent VHS? I mean, really, like anywhere? Is that possible?”

“I would bet $20 that this inspires a bunch of people to start shooting 5 minute versions of random movies and putting them on youtube. No way that doesn’t happen.”

“What scene from Boogie Nights was that supposed to be? That’s like they never saw the movie and are just winging it. I love Boogie Nights.”

“This is like a movie that sounds like it could be fun to watch, but really would have been way more fun to make. Watching it is less pleasurable, I’m kind of bored.”

“Ok, this is ridiculous, where did all these people come from? There’s like 300 of them… Is that a marching band?… and a school bus!? What the hell?”

“That’s it? That was sort of a non-ending. I kind of feel disappointed that Danny Glover and Mia Farrow didn’t get together.”